This is not a book for the faint-hearted.
When I first began reading this I was reminded of Alanis Morissette’s brilliant song, ‘You Oughta Know’. The author takes us back to when he was bullied in school, spitting venom at his tormentors in the same manner as Morissette attacked her ex.
As a homosexual, I found this extremely refreshing. It’s what many of us have shied away from, leaving those memories far behind. Somehow reading Tolcher’s account allowed me to reflect and better understand the affect the bullying I endured had on my later years. Below this review I share some of my own personal thoughts this text brought to light.
Tolcher jumps from the frying pan into the fire.
His school life was filled with unending anxiety and how he finds strength later on is both confronting and understandable. He has no sense of self in his early adult years and longs for a lifestyle which does further damage, while believing it will give him strength. In some ways, it has.
I met the author when he visited Sydney recently and his charm and grace is testament to how much writing his story has healed him, or so I believe. The torture he put himself through with sadistic lovers is all there on the page. You can’t look away. Through his experience we gain a greater understanding for his need of acceptance of any kind.
This feeling of ‘not being enough’ stayed with him for a long time, leaving Tolcher to further question himself within a sub-culture of the gay scene. I felt anger reading about how the powers within this community dismissed him once he gained popularity. Tolcher was young. They were elders yet displayed no wisdom or maturity when they further tormented him over his success.
This self-published debut is a runaway hit.
And it deserves to be. It is extremely raw and powerful. It was shortlisted for the 2024 Queensland Premier’s Award as a Work of State Significance. And I promise you, it’s a hard book to put down.
My only critique is I think this work could have done with an editor to cut back some of the repeated sentiment. It’s clear Tolcher needs us to understand the reasons behind his choices so he often refers back to earlier stories. It gives context. As these were strong tales to begin with, we haven’t forgotten them and already see their relevance in the timeline.
I believe this will be a classic. Its brutality stays with you. As does the strength the author found in telling this tale.
Five stars.
My own personal musings as I read Poof.
I became aware that while I was bullied extensively in school, I only remember one incident. However, I clearly remember times I experienced homophobia later in life, when I was comfortable with myself.
Tolcher’s sense of being underestimated is something which happened to me a lot in my work life. This belief never occurred from those I worked with or worked for, but it was a natural assumption from others. It’s something I see currently with a younger friend of mine. Sadly in his case, he rarely rises above it.
This book was written by someone much younger than me. Once I finished it I began a similar memoir by someone slightly older than me. It further highlighted how much I wish the generations after me never had the internet. I value how I enjoyed a gay ghetto where everyone came together without distraction, to create dynamic experiences. It helped us gain a sense of self as everyone around you were as involved in the scene as you were; all of us genuinely supporting each other.
I have an aversion to the BDSM scene after producing both a video and radio documentary about it. (You can find clips from Tears Before Bedtime on my YouTube page) Reading Poof further gave me concern about how a submissive views their own treatment. Even before I made these docos, I panelled for a radio broadcaster who was interviewing a leather daddy. This daddy talked about how his boy bought a different bottle of wine than the one he’d asked for. The boy believed his daddy would prefer the bottle he bought, but daddy made boy stand in the rain while he and his friends ate inside the restaurant. I wanted to challenge the daddy on his childish behaviour after his boy displayed adult reasoning with his wine choice. But I wasn’t the radio host that day and had to remain silent so the interviewer didn’t get flustered about which fader to move. To this day I have no patience for adult men who throw petty tantrums, then make others suffer.
kevin klehr 