The angst of creating your own reality

I’m not writing about writing this week.

Instead, I want to share several observations about a world where many live within the confides of their mind, rather than living in reality. It’s interesting that I write this today as we are off to a party at a friend’s place where no one is ever on their phones. At one gathering this friend had, a guest kept pulling hers out while we were trying to converse, so she was constantly told by the host to put the phone away.

Several years ago we were in Adelaide inside a pub.

As we sat on our stools drinking wine, a group of adults laughed and chatted at a table while their kids sat quietly at another, all on tablets or phones.

Those of us born last century remember our childhood outings as adventures. It sparked our curiosity because we were keen to experience new things. And it developed our connection to the world.

It was sad that these kids were seen but not heard. Learning to socialise is a skill our generation learned while young. It was encouraged by our parents. Watching the opposite taking place was disconcerting as these kids continued to be alone, together.

I really wanted them to converse about things which interested their generation, as we did at that age, and learn how to fit in.

I caught several social media docos recently.

One was Louis Theroux’s Netflix special on the Manosphere. Even before he met up with his interviewees, some were researching Louis because they were scared he’d expose them somehow. This is a very neurotic way to approach life. They proceeded to treat him like the enemy, trying to catch Louis out and make a fool of him online.

One influencer’s content mostly consisted of humiliating people, either on the street, or in curated podcast discussions where the guests are carefully chosen not to upstage the host.

I was left thinking how tiring it must be to maintain this rage just to live as your social media persona— personas which lacked normal human curiosity about how to relate to the world and its people. Imagine how broken these guys will be as they age, when their behaviour classifies them as bitter old men.

Thirst Trap is another documentary about influencer mentality.

William White is a handsome young guy who mimed seductively to songs on TikTok. He became popular with middle aged women. As William became more famous, he became bratty because his privacy was invaded (even though he encouraged it), and some of these women turned on one another trying to prove they knew the real William, not the online persona.

I was disappointed this doco didn’t delve into the psychology of this behaviour. What made these grown women regress to their adolescent years? And what made them disassociate from their lives to make a young guy their focus?

Not long ago I was reprimanded in a chat forum. 

I won’t go into details, but basically someone called me out for not knowing about an aspect of their life. This person hosts a private group and was annoyed I asked a question which regular group visitors apparently know. It suddenly occurred to me how much of their life was wrapped up curating this group.

I had to explain I’m not online much. I only check my socials in the morning before my 9 a.m. session at an over 50s gym, or before going to the library for a writing day. And I don’t leave the data on my phone on all day.

When I want to be online, I am. The rest of the time I’m living my best life the way I did before the internet existed — footloose and fancy free.

I have many friends who also live offline.

We often discuss the weird behaviour of those who have lost themselves to social media. Ironically, I’m now finishing this blog the day after visiting our friend who won’t let phones be used at her social gatherings. While there, we had one of these conversations.

Her ex husband, who was a mutual friend since the 1990s, became a fan of that presidential moron. So much so, she can’t invite him to her parties any more. He disrupts her events with discussions no one is interested in, and causes a scene doing so.

I recently blocked him from seeing my posts because, while I allowed his comments to be seen for all to judge, he recently started arguing with anyone else who commented on these posts. I don’t want friends, who still practise critical thinking, to feel they need to debate. My intention is not to create angst.

But like that moronic president, when facts threaten to shatter our old mate’s delusions, he lashes out.

Many have fallen into binary thinking.

It’s either left or right, not right or wrong which can come with shades of grey. It’s easier to find a scapegoat even if the reasoning makes no sense. And when we need opposing sides of politics to come together and lead us through a crisis, they often prefer to hinder than help.

But the saddest thing about living in a social media mindset is the internal dismantling of civil society. Where things unthinkable last century are allowed to happen because many are living inside their own curated fiction.