Thoughts I had when I was Drunk!

I have two favoured tools for my writing, both given to me as presents. The first is a writer’s journal kindly presented by the person who encouraged me to get back to my childhood hobby of writing. It’s full of plot twists and dialogue waiting to find their way to the keyboard.

The other is a dicta-phone that has been the target of many a drunken thought that at the time made a lot of sense. These inebriated musings would again, be plot twists or clever insights into the human condition.

The truth is, when I play back these garbled or sparse sentences, about eighty percent just get deleted. They turn out to be ‘a good idea at the time’.

Last time I decided not to kill off these Sauv Blanc fuelled gems and keep them for a blog. So here we go with a bunch of highly original or only half thought out concepts.

Is there the subconscious smell of sex in the home of a contented couple?
When couples start collecting things, then you know they’re madly in love. (Not quite sure why I thought that)
“I don’t think you’re as adventurous as me,” I said. “Oh don’t be stupid,” he replied. “You’re the one who keeps turning the volume down on the sound system. I’m the one who keeps turning it up.”
Maybe that’s what’s wrong with this day and age. People don’t sing any more! (Maybe there’s truth in this one)
You know you’ve had too much to drink when you start doing an impression of a marionette. (Think ‘High on a hill was a lonely goatherd’)
A lounge says so much about a gay man. Is it antique, retro or is it just plush?
You know you’re an older couple when you can pick out your partner’s taste in fantasy bed partners.
Post Marriage Equality Legislation – Straight family members will take bets on who proposed to who in a gay relationship.
Are we all just one bitch slap away from feeling like a success or a loser? (This one’s either immensely deep or very shallow)
At a funeral – someone plays The Trammps ‘Disco Inferno’ as the casket goes into the fire. ; )
All kids with bad childhoods have a sweet tooth. (Not sure what conversation this was about)
If you keep a photo way after a friendship is no more, than it means that friendship meant something to you. (File under – stating the obvious)
When you have a kitchen appliance you don’t really need, you are making too much money.
You know you’re upmarket when you start using couscous instead of rice for a simple home meal, and not for a dinner party.
A web is re-weaved when we can see through the lies. (At the end of this recording is one of my friends exclaiming “What?!!!”)
Your best friends are the ones you trust with a video camera when you’re far from sober.
If you can’t fart in front of your siblings, then the relationship with your family needs to be closer. (A second recording of me came back to say that this one is true of all human relationships)
Like a poker game, you need to know who holds the cards in all your relationships.
The sooner you come to terms with caramel as a flavour over various berry flavours, that’s the moment your taste buds mature.
If you can dance in front of your friends when they’re not, then you know they are close friends (I know I’m up and dancing during this recording judging by the comments in the background)
I’m not in a ‘happy’ happy place, just an ’emo’ happy place. (Sober translation – Feeling melancholy)

So if you have any gems to contribute, or can make sense of some of the more nonsensical comments above, please share your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.

Oh yes, and don’t be afraid to share this blog. I’d love to know what your friends and followers think.

And if you want to read the follow up blog to this one – CLICK HERE